Growing brave by reflection...

"It is easier to build strong children, than to repair broken men."
---Frederick Douglass

"We are born male. We must learn to be men. Remember, strength is a force. It is an attribute of the heart. Its opposite is not weakness and fear, but confusion, lack of clarity, and lack of sound intention. If you are able to discern the path with heart and follow it even when at the moment it seems wrong, then and only then are you strong. Remember the words of Tao te ching. 'The only true strength is a strength that people do not fear.' Strength based in force is a strength people fear. Strength based in love is a strength people crave."
---Kent Nerburn

"It is time to get back to basics, time to go back to nature and ourselves."
---Darina Stoyanova

"I love men who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection."
---Thomas Paine

"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true."
---Woodrow Wilson


I suppose I have been studying men since I was a young child. I started with my father. Then I moved to study my growing brothers. And, eventually, I began to notice those I was not related to. My family was very strong as I grew. The boys and my father were all forces to be reckoned with. I had to buck up or suck up a lot.

However, I am not sure when I started noticing the frailties of men and boys. I am not sure when I started catering to the difficulties they lived with. My mom certainly groomed me to care for others, and since I came from a house full of boys, it was only natural that I cater to the male "species."

I enjoyed baking for my brothers. I enjoyed playing nurse-maid. I definitely liked playing mother hen. But, those joys quickly became problems for me when I began to date. Initially, I was attracted to boys just like my family members. I competed with each male I dated. If I was in debate class, I competed in the realm of debate. If I was being overlooked for some aspect of myself I liked, I competed to be seen and heard. Generally, this competition brought my life a lot of sorrow and frustration. But chemistry-wise, it manifested in the relationships as power and magnetic attraction.

The chemistry part kept me on board a relationship well beyond any point of healthiness. Early on, I couldn't figure out how to connect with "nice" boys and stay interested.

I am now 37, and I have experienced a lot of ups and downs in life. Especially in terms of relationships. My last long-term connection was fraught with chemistry, love, and a myriad of difficult times. We had everything against us from the beginning, but we determined to stick it out and try to make it work. It, of course, did not.

I have found that many men are so segmented that the idea of wholeness and healthiness is often some sort of far-fetched dream in the minds of our United States' community. One friend of mine, for example, was psychologically split into two major components: work and sex. He usually objectified women because he "was just" a package of parts and he assumed women should be viewed and treated just the same--- as breasts, legs, whatever. He would drive himself constantly, and by all intensive purposes, he matched what American society would call highly successful. But, I saw a man who was so far from healthy. I often worried about his happiness and his direction.

The unhealthiness doesn't seem to be religion-based or even sex-based. It seems to be conceptionally-based.

I was thinking about the subject this morning, and I stumbled upon some interesting information. We are said to be co-creators in life. I believe this premise. I, also, currently believe we attract what we think about and what we send vibrations out to the universe for. Sometimes we purposely direct our thoughts toward someone or something. One word for this is prayer. There are other words depending on your system of philosophy.

The world consists of pockets of energy ("thought forms" are a major type of such energy). The history of people has been saturated with pockets of energy and their movement throughout the world. The United States was created because of Manifest Destiny. Nazi Germany was created from a group think harnessed by Adolf Hitler. These are just two examples of how history was shaped from "thought forms."

So, now, consider this: If women and men are pitted against one another via a cultural clash that has been unfolding since the dawn of time, then how do you presume the energy of that action plays itself out? Right! Negatively. Manifestation of positive relationships is hindered by the constant insurge of negative belief systems regarding men and women.

So, we must stop and rethink. We must redirect our belief systems. We must shift the dynamics between men and women from a point of contention to a point of understanding. If we hear ourselves making flippant commentaries about the opposite sex, we must stop and reverse the thought. We must see the positive in every circumstance. If we cannot, we must seek help. If a friend seeks help from us, we must assist as we are able.

The other night, a friend of mine helped me reverse a possible negative moment. The moment wasn't about men and women. The moment was how I was going to handle my tomorrow. He simply said, "Repeat after me. Tomorrow will go smoothly." Those words were powerful!!! I was very grateful for his thoughtfulness in helping me think positively. In the past I have had great difficulty looking toward the silver lining. The silver lining used to feel like a horrible fairy tale that mocked me because of how I grew up.

Positive thoughts are energy that create change. Actually, thoughts are creations. So direct them positively rather than negatively.

Returning to my original thought, men and women were designed to be an interlocking force of greatness and beauty. We must think this point of origin into "re-being." When we get frustrated, we must stop and breathe. And as we exhale a time or two, we must think positive thoughts for men and women. Each negativity creates a wall we must learn to overcome somehow---some way. Breathe in the utmost positive thought for your opposite sex. Now, breathe it out.

Big changes can take time and work. But, if you believe in antagonistic viewpoints regarding your opposite sex, you shall surely reap what you sow and that---most likely---is tremendous pain and suffering.

Each day, make a positive affirmation about your relationship with the other sex. And then expect greatness to come from that affirmation. Trust in love to bloom and grow. It is possible. Believe it! Visualize yourself planting a seed each time you choose to turn a negative thought into a positive one.