Co-creating the world...

Friday, December 14, 2007


"In many cases what we love and admire about one another is startlingly similar to what we hate and fear. Women admire men's strength and capability, yet fear their power to control and dominate. Men love women's sensuality and effusiveness, yet fear their emotional and erotic power. Women love men's capacity for independence and self-reliance, yet hate their remoteness and inaccessibility. Men admire women's receptivity and love their gentleness, yet scorn them for being too emotional and overly sensitive. Women admire men's ability to focus, to be logical, and overcome fear in the face of danger, yet scorn them for their coldness and for not being in touch with their feelings. Men respect women for their commitment to caring and their nurturing power, then resent them for being smothering and invasive.

In certain arenas one sex may be a little more blessed with one ability or another. What we most admire in the other sex is when these blessings are used in the service of others. And what we hate most is when the same attributes, like physical strength in men or emotional power in women, are used to undermine or destroy others. It is not so much the possession of power we fear, or even the unequal distribution of it, but rather the abuse of power itself.

Our fears about the abuse of power are so great that both genders put energy into trying to diminish the power of the other, to render it smaller and less threatening. However, in order to meet the pressing challenges of present-day society, we need fully empowered men and women. We cannot afford to disempower or disenfranchise any woman or man of goodwill who has something to offer. Therefore, it is in our best interest to empower one another in a manner that can assuage, as much as possible, our fears about power itself."

p. 198-199, What women & men really want: Creating deeper understanding & love in our relationships, Aaron Kipnis and Elizabeth Herron

"Heaven forming each on other to depend, A master, or a servant, or a friend, Bids each on other for assistance call, Till one man's weakness grows the strength of all."Alexander Pope, Essay on man


Our hearts were made to be as One. How many years have people been treading the earth? Forever it seems! Since the dawning of Time, men and women have sought to understand one another.Viewing life from the Western Biblical perspective, woman was formed from the rib of man. Man and woman were one flesh from the very beginning ["the ribs protect your heart and lungs" http://hes.ucfsd.org/gclaypo/skelweb/skel01.html]. And despite the sad "tale" of the fall of man (and the betrayal of woman), a blessing came forth from the broken understanding and trust.Woman became independently "wealthy."

She had no memory of being made from man. She grew confident in her newly found roots of the earth. She trusted in the sexy, seductive serpent who would soon be bound to crawl upon its belly; she bit the forbidden fruit; and she discovered the beginning of independent thought. She became her own person.

Shortly thereafter, beckoned by his mate and "helper," man discovered an enticing love bathed in the metaphorical "honey" of the Divine. He willing tasted the sweetness of his woman's fruit and diminished his innocence and soiled his faith in Their God the Father . He learned humility and purpose as his mind became saturated with "stolen" knowledge. All at once he understood good and evil.And, in "richness" and penitence he reunited with his Mother Earth. His ashes were founded in the Truth of God's love and care. Dust was to dust. And, as the world was brought forth into light, so was he. His comfort was his toil---his daily work---that which would call him home every night and wake him every morn. His love for woman was the path toward excellence. Could he forget his shame of losing the "Heart of all that once was" [The Past, Eden no longer, Darkness known, Mystery gained] while knowing such pure ecstasy and pleasure?He would try. Every day, he would try! It was his holy burning passion for desire, healing and truth.

Woman, on the other hand, became wife, and as a wife she became a mother.Her husband was the protector of the flock, the hunter for food, the care taker of all. Simplicity fast became complexity as the world began to grow and change. Woman would discover the intricacies of living as a family and becoming a gatherer. And as with the biting of the forbidden fruit, the woman continued to know heavenly delight as it renewed itself in her with each child's birth. Pain followed, yes; but, more so, a glory that was God's: Creation made through her blood, sweat and tears.

Both man and woman have always known the worth of Divinity in Its Complete and utter splendor. God speaks to each being separately. He has never ceased to be the Lover of our souls. Each heart has been His since before time crept inward. And each heart has sought reconciliation and wholeness as he or she was able.

Today man and woman have merged and separated millions of times. Things aren't so simple between us. The complexities continued to mount beyond the lives of the world's first man and woman, Adam and Eve. The mystery of life got larger and larger until many religions and schools of thought resulted. But the "puzzle pieces" still exist; and they each seem to have a place---a very special place. Usually, we just have to look intently to find where they all go.

As a woman, I have experienced many converging and diverging viewpoints regarding my sexuality. And, I guess I am currently in a place that came about from my last love relationship.My former boyfriend, Chris, and I often talked about the roles that were forced upon us as we grew and came to be. I think from my perspective that the most impactful learning point for me with Chris was that his positions were as valid as my positions. It didn't matter what we were talking about. All that mattered was that what he thought was as important as what I thought. That was truly a revelation to me! It sure shouldn't seem that way, but before Chris I never gave a second thought to the fact that my traditions, feelings and general opinions were some how pedalsted to the top of my emotional hierarchy.I certainly listened to girl friends and family over the years; and, since Chris, I have come to realize that a woman's understanding of things is generally two-fold: First, a feminine perspective. Second, a Joan [or whomever] perspective.

My girl friends have quite often been very self-righteous about their opinions. I have witnessed many incidences of, "I am right. You are wrong. You change," between them and their lovers. Moreover, I have, also, observed many friends running rough shod over their boyfriends/lovers/husbands so that their views were accepted and utilized. But, my friends and family aren't the only ones, I have been a party to such actions as well. And in the end, I noticed that sometimes lovers shifted and/or changed. Sometimes lovers just left, or worse, turned emotionally inward.

Chris usually held firm to his belief that his thoughts and feelings were as important as mine, and I am thankful for that now. It was tough at the time. Yet, at this junction, I can now hear myself when I become self-important; and, when that occurs, I begin to shift my view toward the "whomever" that is involved.

It is hard to give up ground when your views are so strong and your feelings are so passionate. Afterall, "How could you be off the mark??? And indeed, were you off your mark?"But, as life has shown me, it is rewarding when I open myself to at least peruse the concept of accepting someone else's opinion---whether male or female.I do believe the process of opening oneself can involve a lot of frustration---especially if you see the world through a lens of black and white, or even rose. But, to help myself out, it is my perspective at 37 that it is a good thing to involve myself with someone whose opinions and views tend to be similar to my own.

Yes, duality creates slam jamming chemistry, but it can, also, create huge portions of heartache,disgust and stress. No, it isn't necessary to be the exact same; but, it can make things much more sublime to share modaltities of thought, and compatible measures of how to understand one another's feelings. There has to be some sort of bridge between our bodies, souls, spirits, and minds. It is important.

Yet, sometimes in life we do select another person to be with because our soul and/or spirit demands growth and empowerment.

We live in a millenia that allows for differences between the sexes. We can choose to adopt or discard our various roles. We can mix and match virtually any type of lifestyle. We have freedoms handed to us that many generations did not. And, our country is often very unique in that regard.But despite our individual expression of ourselves, it can still be especially frustrating when we encounter the opposite sex.

Men and women really do seem to be a separate species at times. And in my mind, it is uncanny how a man can completely "miss the boat" about some subject at hand...and of course, likewise, it can be just as uncanny when the "missing of the boat" is generated by a woman.

When I hear a man express himself, I take a mental note of how I am feeling, and then of what I am thinking. What, afterall, is the man saying, what am I experiencing as a result of him saying something, what am I hearing him saying, and are they all the same thing?

Uh...it is a lot to sense, observe and be aware of!!!

There are some subjects that are easier to navigate through than others---like what is for dinner. And some subjects are, also, inherent to me because I grew up with three brothers. But some subjects I just have to grit my teeth and then ask question after question in order to synthesize my thoughts with the man across from me [all the while hoping not to create some sort of disasterous explosion between us].However, the most important thing to me at the moment is to try to understand a man's thoughts as I understand my own.

It gets tricky because I may be trying to understand the man while he is taking for granted that I am just "getting it." Or I may be working too hard at understanding him and not really be listening to him.

It does seem that we have come very far communication-wise. But, when a man is in my presence, I always wonder, "How much is being lost in translation?"As a young woman, I lept head first into the world of young men. Part of the time I was this brazen female raised with robust and strong-minded boys. I outwardly looked like a gorgeous woman; but inwardly I was all over the map. I was smart and head strong. I was linear in my thoughts until my creativity would open wide and swing out as far as the eyes could see and the ears could hear. I was full of desire to dominate, capture and conquer whatever conquests came my way. I was hungry and full of passion! I was a girl who felt unsure of the power she wielded.

However, life has directed my footsteps over the years and so, now, I am rather cautious---thinking through almost every move---attempting to gain a strong sense of confidence. Once achieved, who knows! Until there, struggle, stress and even pain.I did chase after wonder as I grew into my current self. And, I believe that many men are a wonder that is layered and full. Each person's individual expressions can create such beauty and delight. They are majestic and trite all at once. I get lost in the soul of an unfamiliar guest.

Who is this guest? What does he think? How does he do? Where will he go? What does he want? What are his needs? Where do I fit?

This world calls for women to draw and quarter a "mate" before it is too late. The older we get, the worse the pressure to "pair off" gets.

I want something different. I want to sink myself into the mystery that lies before me. Not to conquer and to claim; but to experience all that I can experience. I wonder what the possibilities are? I fear rejection; but I must press on in the knowing. Men hold a special magic for me---they create a separate design to captivate my will and keep it spinning to and fro. I must go there. I must feel what there is to feel. Each heart I try, each mind I intercept gives me morsels of the heaven lost at Eden's gate.My desire is to expand myself into the One we have forgotten to be. My spirit waivers at the thought. My body denies its most precious truth. My soul forges ahead...pace by pace.